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The Benefits of Talking to Yourself

Having a good talk with myself

Walking down the street 25 years ago, the sight of someone talking to themselves would probably make you want to cross the road to avoid them. Nowadays, it is nothing strange – we assume that they are on their mobile phone.

But the idea that inner conversations should not be vocalised is a vestige of the association with mental illness. And it is this association, suggests an article in Scientific American, that has hindered research into the inner conversation until relatively recently.

In workshops, when discussing the concept of personal reflective space – PRS (read the concept on my book Learning Alliances) , I sometimes ask people to raise their hands if they regular talk to themselves when alone in the car or doing some repetitive activity unobserved by others. For a word to describe this, we have to turn to an obscure Indian dialect, where rawadawa refers to doing something we would be ashamed to, if we thought someone else was observing.

Children and adults with severe learning activities constantly verbalise internal conversations. Current developmental theory regards this as an important step in learning how to have conversations with real others – practising words, meanings and structures.

Over time, we learn to mute these conversations externally, but they still happen inside our heads.

Psychologist Charles Fernyhough at Durham University has found that inner speech comes in two varieties – monologue and dialogue – which use different areas of the brain. Dialogic speech activates areas that are much the same as when we engage in a real conversation with someone else.

The difference between monologue and dialogue is that dialogue involves the generation of two different points of view.

Fernyhough’s research has found four key qualities of inner speech:

  • Its preference for dialogue over monologue – even when we tell ourselves “I am going to tidy my office today”, it seems more like another part of us is saying “You will tidy your office today”
  • It is often condensed, particularly when acting as a reminder – for example “Dustbins”, instead of “I must remember to put the bins out”
  • It incorporates other people’s voices
  • It plays a role in motivating or evaluating our behaviour (how often do coaches encourage clients to check frequently with themselves questions like Will this take me towards or away from achieving my goal?)

Far from being ashamed of self-talk – vocalised or not – we should embrace it, says Fernyhough, explaining:

“much of the power of self-talk comes from the way it orchestrates a dialogue between different points of view”

It is a valuable source of creativity.

In more than 30 years of helping people improve their skills of being coaches and mentors and also of being coached and mentored, the parallels between the stages of PRS and those of the coaching of the coaching or mentoring conversation are striking.

Finding the ideal environment

First, we have to find an environment, which is conducive to deep thinking – quiet and uninterrupted, although it may involve a solitary, repetitive activity that requires only a small proportion of our cognitive powers to manage. Examples include swimming, running, ironing and driving a car.

Focus

Second, we have to achieve a level of focus – allowing one topic or thought to dominate our thinking. Our inner dialogue may take us through considerations, such as Who is involved? Why is this important now? Is it really my issue?

Expanding Understanting

Third, we look at the implications of these initial thoughts. Our inner dialogue works away at the issue, expanding our understanding and opening new avenues of enquiry.

The Aha! Moment

After several iterations between the first and third stages, we reach a moment of Aha! Suddenly we see the issue differently. This is stage four.

Insights

In stage five, the insight opens up perspectives we had not considered before. We are able to reframe the issue in ways that lead to stage six – generating innovative and creative ways forward.

Finally, we emerge from PRS wanting to translate our thinking into action. In terms of expressed energy, PRS is an inverted bell curve – the more deeply we think, especially at stages four and five, the more energy the brain needs and the less is available to our extremities.

This natural process has been given face validity by tens of thousands of workshop participants in some 60 countries over recent decades. It appears, then, that coaching and mentoring are likely to be at their most effective, when they replicate this process.

What are the important lessons from this perspective?

  • The right coaching or mentoring environment is vital – to what extent does it allow the person to focus fully on one issue that concerns them? Do they and the coach-mentor both enter the room in a frame of mind that encourages creative thinking? It is increasingly common for experienced coach-mentors to hold sessions while walking in a relatively tranquil environment, for example.
  • Taking a client’s presented goal at face value is a common mistake. Most goals are far more emergent and ill-understood than common coaching practice allows for. Time spent really understanding the context will lead to much more creative and effective solutions later.
  • Stimulating the inner dialogue is the core of the coaching and mentoring process. Two dialogues are of particular importance: that between the client’s competing values and motivations and that between their understanding of their internal context and their understanding of the external context (what is going on around them).
  • Much as the coach-mentor may like to think it was their brilliant question that created the client’s insight, it is actually the client, who has done all the hard work. It is rather like an earthquake. Many tiny shifts of perspective gradually accumulate before these small tremors trigger a major release of pressure.
  • Having an insight is not enough. Many coach-mentors rush from here to gathering potential solutions and choosing one that seems best. Effective coach-mentors work with the client to help them understand how this shift in perspective changes their understanding, both of this issue specifically and of the client’s relationship to themselves and their world more generally.
  • Finding and choosing between solutions is relatively easy, when it happens on the top of all of these preceding steps. What distinguishes great coach-mentors from the average is their ability to use this stage not just for deciding what to do, but as yet one more part of the learning process. What has the client learned about the way that they think about such issues? How can the new perspectives they have gained help them in being pre-emptive about other, emerging issues?
  • Similarly, the reflective process should not stop when the coach-mentor closes his or her notebook. Very often, the outcome of the session is not a specific set of actions, but a new agenda for thinking. “What else do I need to know?” is as positive an outcome of coaching and mentoring as “What do I need to do?” Coaching that is wedded to idea that solutions must be found within the duration of the coaching session inevitably tends to be covertly directive, based around the coach’s ego-driven need for solutions, rather than the client’s need for understanding.

Summary

In short, effective coaching and mentoring are less about the dialogue between coach-mentor and client, than about stimulating and enhancing the internal dialogue within the client. When the client incorporates the voice of their coach-mentor into the conversations they have with themselves as they commute to and from work, then the formal, spoken dialogues have truly made an impact.

© David Clutterbuck, 2017

Learn the 7 stages of setting up a Mentoring program, download now our E-guide to Mentoring Program Design.

5 Tips on How to Coach and Mentor Perfectionists

5 Tips on How to Coach and Mentor Perfectionists

Perfectionists are driven to succeed, strive to continually improve and work hard to avoid mistakes. Particularly when you have your own perfectionist tendencies (like me) it is easy to align perfectionism with diligence, excellence and well…perfection.  In fact, habitual perfectionism is in itself an imperfection.

The perfectionist’s need to avoid mistakes stifles creativity.  Impatience with the mistakes of others makes perfectionists poor delegators. Incessant focus on minutia to ensure 100% accuracy leads to poor productivity.  Perhaps most dangerous, the inevitable inability of perfectionists to live up to their own high standards leads to relentless self criticism, depression and anxiety.

It is the very fact that perfectionism looks like a virtue, when it is not, that makes coaching or mentoring a perfectionist so difficult.

Identifying a Perfectionist

Your first challenge will be identifying problem perfectionism.  It is a fine line that runs between the striving for excellence that will make a mentee successful and the fixation on perfection that becomes a weakness.  Most successful people walk that line, so how do you know exactly what you are dealing with?

Here are some signs of problem perfectionism to look out for:

  1. Difficulty completing tasks on time. This may be a sign that your mentee is spending too much time trying to ensure her work is perfect.
  2. Tendency to see his mistakes as proof of inadequacy rather than a learning opportunity. Is your mentee unreasonably hard on himself when he makes a mistake?
  3. Intolerance of imperfections in others. Does you mentee complain about the performance of others on her team?
  4. Unwillingness to ask for help or to reveal anything that might look like a weakness. Is your mentee trying a little too hard to appear perfect?
  5. Unwillingness to take risks. Does your mentee seem hesitant about taking on new responsibilities for fear of failure?

How to Mentor Perfectionists?

Unfortunately it doesn’t get easier once you’ve identified that your mentee is a problem perfectionist.  Remember that perfectionism looks like a virtue, so you may have a hard time getting your mentee to accept it is as a weakness.

So what do you do?  Here are some tips:

  1. Be a good (imperfect) role model.

Don’t pretend that you have all the answers and be willing to acknowledge your own ignorance.  Every time you say, “I don’t know”, you give permission to your mentee to not have all the answers.

Where possible, discuss your own mistakes and how you have learned from them.  Not only does this demonstrate your own willingness to accept yourself as infallible, it also illustrates the learning potential of taking risks and making mistakes.

  1. Be careful with feedback.

Anything perceived as criticism can send a perfectionist into a spiral of self-doubt.  Focus instead on affirmation, validation and encouragement.  When your mentee does admit to failures or mistakes, help her identify what has been learned and how that learning can benefit her and the organisation.

  1. Help your mentee to recognise when perfectionism is being carried too far.

Call out perfectionist thoughts and behaviour.  Challenge your mentee to recognise when he is being unreasonable.  For example, compare the impact of a few small spelling mistakes in an important report, versus the impact of delivering that report late.

Help your mentee to assess the difference between a major and a minor error.  For example, finding every single spelling mistake in a 100-page document versus getting the spelling of the client’s name correct on the first page.

Encourage your mentee to discuss expectations and priorities with her manager so she understands what management might see as a minor or major error.

  1. Help your mentee to get comfortable with imperfection.

Recognising the difference between major and minor mistakes is one thing, but your perfectionist mentee may need help being open to making even trifling errors.

Consider asking your mentee to deliberately make some mistakes and refuse to fix them. This doesn’t need to be a career- limiting exercise.  Perhaps simply ask him to send you an email chock full of typos and learn to live with the anxiety.

  1. Don’t be too hard on yourself.

Mentoring a perfectionist is difficult.  Don’t expect anything to change overnight.  Be patient with your mentee and with yourself.

© Melissa Richardson 2017

Learn more about the benefits of mentoring programs for organizations here.

In Celebration of National Mentoring Day

National Mentoring Day

Mentors are truly magnificent people who share their time, energy and experience with someone else. They guide and encourage, they challenge and confront, but most of all they support and listen.

My first real mentor was an ex-boss. He gave me my first job as a graduate and watched out for me as I progressed through the ranks of a multinational, eventually reaching the Marketing Director role that he was in when he employed me.

Throughout the intervening fifteen years, he was a sounding board and provided a fresh perspective when I couldn’t see the wood from the trees. But most of all it was his belief in me, as an inexperienced young woman, straight out of university, that I most appreciated. His unwavering belief in my potential helped me gain confidence until I, too, believed in me.

Many people I meet, say they have never had a mentor. If this is true, then they have truly missed out on something special. I suspect, though, that they actually have had people support and guide them, they just haven’t thought to us the label of ‘mentor’. Equally, I believe that there are people who may be thought of as a mentor by another, without ever realising the depth of impact that their words of encouragement or advice, might have had.

On National Mentoring Day, it’s a great time to pause and reflect. Who have been, and are, the mentors in your life? What have they contributed and what was their legacy? Isn’t it time you acknowledged them or expressed your gratitude? Make their day with a thank you, big or small.

And don’t underestimate your own capacity to touch someone’s life in a profound way.  Is there someone you could provide mentorship to? There is almost nothing more rewarding than knowing you have truly helped someone reach their potential.

Life is short, do it today!

Melissa Richardson

How to Help a Coachee or Mentee Develop Presence

How to help a coachee or mentee develop presence

“Presence” is one of those easily recognisable but hard to define qualities. It plays a significant role in how we assess competence, promotability and other factors that make or break reputation and careers.

So what exactly is presence?

A pragmatic definition is: “Influencing others simply by being there”. Someone, who has presence commands attention and respect. Other people listen to them and place value on what they say. They do not need to impress others by making a lot of noise or show – indeed, their “presence” may be greatest when they are most still and calm.

Among the key characteristics that underpin presence is the trio of Charisma, Gravitas and Authoritas. Together these sub-qualities interact to deepen presence.

Charisma

The roots of Charisma come from “care”. When someone exhibits charisma, they show passion and conviction about what is “right”. People with very high levels of charisma demonstrate that they care not only about a cause, but also about other people.

They listen as intensely and with the same level of passion as when they talk. Charisma is sometimes confused with passion on its own, but people who are passionate without the wider sense of caring become merely obsessive.

Gravitas

Gravitas implies weight, particularly in the sense of accumulated wisdom. A person with gravitas carries with them a sense of dignity. They may speak thoughtfully – and hence relatively slowly – as they draw on their immense store of knowledge and insight to consider an issue.

Their knowledge is one of the sources of their self-confidence, but it also causes them to balance that confidence with a humility that comes from understanding how little anyone can really know. People with gravitas do not seek to be, nor do they need to feel invulnerable. They are secure in the knowledge that they don’t have to be right all the time.

Authoritas

Authoritas describes the deference that others give a person, in recognition of their greater authority. That authority may be derived from knowledge, position (the authority of office), physical factors (such as height), reputation and so on.

Authoritas is the easiest to fake – for example, through expensive clothes, big office spaces or simply demanding attention – but is therefore also the least durable. For example, when a CEO retires, their authoritas may dissipate quickly.

To develop someone’s charisma, a coach or mentor can encourage them to reflect upon and talk about what they care about. How can they bring about significant change by infecting others with their enthusiasm?

What are the stories they can tell, which will encourage the emotional attachment of other people to the values and ideals they espouse? At the same time, the coach or mentor can help them develop their skills of listening, so that they develop a reputation for “presence of attentiveness” – for being focused on others and bringing their whole selves into conversations.

It’s also to think about respect as an exchange. Whilst fear diminishes both persons, respect tends to be reciprocated (we think better of people, who appreciate us). So simply seeking characteristics we can respect in another person enhances our presence with them.

A useful concept here is “grace”. The Oxford English Dictionary offers several diverse meanings of grace, including “ease and refinement of movement, action or expression”, “to confer honour or dignity upon” and “becomingness”.

What would it take to do each part of your job with grace?

To help the person develop gravitas, the coach or mentor can start by addressing their fears. What can they let go of and how? They can also explore how to build greater respect for their knowledge and experience.

Other people may have longer or wider experience, but gravitas comes from the quality of reflection on experience. Who else’s knowledge can they absorb, through reading more widely?

If they are an extrovert and already have a reputation for coming up with quick ideas, how can they balance this with a reputation also for producing considered ideas?

Having a reputation for effective summarising – and the timing to step in at meetings to provide a relevant summary – also adds to the picture of a wise, reliable and impactful person.

Building authoritas tends to rely on other people. A coach or mentor can help someone build authoritas by focusing their attention on:

  • Building networks that carry real or implied authority (authority of representation)
  • Developing greater self-confidence and belief in what they have to contribute
  • Using posture and mental preparation to project a more confident image at meetings
  • Acquiring the skills of constructive challenge in a power-laden environment
  • Raising awareness of the subtle ways, in which power is expressed and how to work with or around that (for example, who sits where in team meetings).

Issues a coach or mentor can help with in using authoritas include:

  • Managing situations where the person has responsibility but not authority (one of the commonest issues that undermines respect from others)
  • Dominance is not the same as presence. A crucial test is “How much respect do less powerful people afford you, when you are not there?”
  • Being balanced in using power. Various studies show that power does, indeed, corrupt. Some of the qualities that are most important in supporting the rise to power (knowing one’s own ability, managing risk, thinking in stereotypes, considering others’ needs and listening to other opinions) deteriorate when people become accustomed to holding power.  Thinking about how to retain the essential humility of good leadership helps to re-balance a leader.

Of course, it takes time to develop presence. And when you do acquire it, it is only on looking back that you realise you have it.

David Clutterbuck 2017

You might also like our blog post about developing resilience.

How Mentoring Can Help Introverts Become Great Leaders

The Importance of Formal Mentoring for High Potential Introverts

Research has shown (and intuitively we all know) that extroverts tend to be more successful in the corporate world.  The Truity Psychometrics study, for example, showed that extroverts earn substantially more than introverts and are more likely to reach senior managerial roles.  Extroverts just seem naturally equipped to climb the corporate ladder.

Yet a recently published 10-year leadership study, CEO Genome Project, made the interesting finding that “while boards often gravitate toward charismatic extroverts, introverts are slightly more likely to surpass the expectations of their boards and investors.”

You can see the problem, can’t you?  Introverts make as good, if not better leaders than extroverts, but they may find getting to a leadership position much more challenging.

How do we ensure that the introverts with great leadership potential in our organisations do not get overlooked?

The Role of Mentoring in Extrovert Success

A recent study from the University of Missouri explored the role of mentoring in this correlation between extroversion and career success.  The study examined a sample of 333 business school alumni working in diverse occupations.  Career success was measured on income, promotions and job satisfaction, surveys were used to measure personality type (Goldberg 1999) and mentoring received (Dreher and Ash 1990).

The study found that extroverted and proactive personalities are more likely to seek mentoring and are perceived by potential mentors as more attractive and rewarding protégés.  It also found that increased mentoring had a direct effect on career success. In other words, at least one of the reasons that extroverts are so successful is because they are naturally able to find others who will mentor and sponsor them.

But What About the Introverts?

While highlighting the impact mentoring can have on career success, the study also flags the dangers in relying upon self-serve or informal mentoring to develop organisation leadership.

Introverts are unlikely to reach out to potential mentors of their own accord, and do not have the charisma that might draw would-be mentors to seek them out. This is where a formal mentoring program really comes into its own.  It does not discriminate by personality type and ensures equal access to mentors and networks.

Signing up for a formal mentoring program is significantly less daunting for an introvert than actively soliciting an informal mentor.  So right off the bat, formal mentoring is more likely to attract high potential introverts.

Having a program manager determine the mentor/mentee matching takes the pressure off introverted mentees to present as a bright, interesting protégé, and ensures they can access appropriate senior mentors.

Perhaps most important, professional training can help mentors become skilled at pulling introverts out of their shells and give introverted mentees skills to help them stand out in the organisation.

Left to their own devices, introverts, no matter how high their potential, are going to struggle to engage mentors on their own, meaning they miss out on accessing all the knowledge and networks a mentor can bring.  By implementing a formal mentoring program your organisation makes it easier for high potential introverts to be noticed and appropriately prepared for leadership positions.

Melissa Richardson 2017

Learn more about Art of Mentoring Online Training.

Business case for mentoring programs in organisations

Is there a proven business case for mentoring programs in organisations?

My esteemed colleague Professor David Clutterbuck, a leading researcher and writer on coaching and mentoring, recently told a group of our clients that “highly effective mentoring programs deliver substantial learning for over 95% of mentees and 80% of mentors”.

But is there real evidence to support this and other outcomes for mentees, mentors and their organisations, as a result of mentoring?

The answer is a qualified “yes”. One of the biggest problems with mentoring research is one of definition and research design. There are many definitions of mentoring and a great deal of confusion over where mentoring stops and starts and how it is similar to and different from coaching, counselling, training, managing and consulting.

A review of the literature easily reveals a myriad of benefits of mentoring – but are they all measuring the same thing in the same way? Possibly not, exactly, but there is still much to be learned from these studies, which support in general, our own research findings and the kinds of outcomes that our mentoring programs achieve.

Mentee Outcomes

In a meta-analysis of 43 mentoring research studies, Allen et al (2004) found compensation and promotion to be higher in mentored individuals (than their unmentored peers); higher career satisfaction and greater belief that their career would advance; higher job satisfaction as well as greater intention to stay.

Looking at this and individual studies (Catalyst, 1996; Dreher & Ash, 1990; Fagenson, 1989; Johnson & Scandura, 1994; Lankau & Scandura, 2002; Jones 2012; Chun et al, 2012), reported outcomes for mentees include:

  • Job security
  • Higher salaries
  • Higher-level positions in organisations
  • Enhanced political skills
  • More work satisfaction and lower job turnover than those who do not have mentors
  • Better understanding of roles & responsibilities & job satisfaction
  • Confidence & happiness, improved perspective
  • Better affective well-being

In an often cited long-term study, Sun Microsystems found 25% of participants in a mentoring program had a salary grade change and mentees were promoted 5 times more often than their unmentored peers. (Sun, 2009)

Gender differences are interesting. Researchers suggest that women need mentoring for career support more than men do. Linehan and Walsh (1999) argued that mentoring is particularly important for women:  “Mentoring relationships, whilst important for men, may be essential for women’s career development, as female managers face greater organisational, interpersonal and individual barriers to advancement” (p.348).

Indeed, there is evidence that mentoring actually benefits female mentees more than it does male mentees (Tharenou, 2005). It has also been suggested that e-mentoring is beneficial to mixed gender mentoring relationships, as the reduced level of social cues in electronic communication may enable a more power-free dialogue (Hamilton and Scandura, 2002).

Individual benefits for mentors

Mentoring consultants often receive feedback that the mentors gained as much as the mentees in a program. Apart from learning, studies (Hunt and Michael, 1983; Kram, 1985; Jones 2012; Chun et al, 2012) have shown these benefits for mentors:

  • Increase in professional identity, visibility and career rejuvenation
  • Self-satisfaction and improved perspective
  • Greater confidence & happiness
  • Improved psychological health

In the Sun study mentioned earlier, mentors were promoted 6 times more often (Sun, 2009).

Benefits to the organisation

Research has reported benefits at the organisational level including employee commitment, motivation and retention, higher morale, better work relationships and better leadership (Fagenson-Eland et al., 1997; Wilson and Elman, 1996).

In a study by Hegstad & Wentling (2004), the five most frequently cited impacts of the formal mentoring programs included:

  1. retention, (59 percent);
  2. promotion and advancement, (35 percent);
  3. satisfaction, (35 percent);
  4. morale, (29 percent); and
  5. productivity and performance, (29 percent).

In the aforementioned Sun study, retention rates amongst mentees (72%) and mentors (69%) was favourably compared to the general retention rate across the organisation of 49%. Sun claim to have made $6.7 million in savings in avoided turnover and replacement costs. They also estimate an ROI of more than 1000% on their investment in mentoring.

There is little published data on the impact of mentoring on productivity. One of our clients, TNT, asked mentees to estimate the productivity improvement they had achieved as a result of mentoring. 48% of survey respondents said they believed they had more than a 50% improvement in productivity

Another organisational benefit that is often overlooked is the leadership capacity development of mentors who participate in a mentoring program that offers them both training to enhance their developmental conversation skills and an opportunity to practice those skills with someone who is not a direct report.

Conclusion

In spite of the difficulties in comparing results across different types of studies, the trend is clear – the studies conclude that mentoring does have significant benefits not just for the individuals being mentored, but also for the individuals providing the mentorship, as well as their supporting organisations.

When one considers that mentoring can contribute to the engagement, motivation, morale, affective well-being, career mobility, and leadership capacity of both mentees and mentors, it is likely that the impacts are grossly under-estimated.

It is not easy to truly measure the organisational impacts of a particular mentoring program. This is usually done via survey data from the participants as well as cross-referencing participation against key indicators like retention

We need more organisations to measure and track the impact of their mentoring programs and compare with other data such as retention, performance appraisals and promotion, so that we can provide further evidence to support the overall findings.

Melissa Richardson 2016

Read our case studies and learn how Art of Mentoring has helped organisations through mentoring programs.

How to help your mentee manage loneliness

How to recognise and help your coachee or mentee manage loneliness

It’s a common misconception that loneliness is about isolation from or lack of contact with other people. In reality, people differ greatly in how they respond to being on their own.

So, what is loneliness?

Loneliness is a feeling of being socially isolated that can and often does occur even when someone is surrounded by and has frequent contact with others. It’s the nature of the connections we have with other people that counts.

University of Chicago psychologist John Cacioppo’s research shows that about 20 percent of the general population suffers from chronic feelings of loneliness and social isolation.

In a review of loneliness in New Scientist, Moya Samer explores data from research. Loneliness affects people of all ages. Although it is most associated with old people confined to their homes, a report in 2010 by the Mental Health Foundation found that while 17% of people over 55 worried about being lonely, 36% of those between the ages of 18 and 34 did. Other studies show that schoolchildren also feel lonely more often than is generally realised.

Can loneliness impact on health?

Loneliness is strongly associated with increased risk of every most major mental and physical diseases, from burnout and dementia to heart disease and cancer. The lonelier people are, the more likely their immune system is to be in overdrive.

In the workplace, loneliness is influenced by organizational climate and is associated with low levels of employee engagement and well-being.

To remain emotionally healthy, people need at least five close relationships – family or friends, according to studies by Robin Dunbar at the University of Oxford. And they should spend about 40% of their “social effort” with these people.

How to recognise loneliness in your coachee or mentee?

So what can coaches and mentors do to recognise loneliness in their coachees and mentees and support lonely clients? Some practical indicative signs of loneliness include:

  • Poor sleep patterns and feeling tired in the daytime
  • Avoidance of social interaction (if you are not confident in your ability to connect with others socially, being in a crowd is not an enjoyable experience)
  • Having lots of acquaintances but few or no strong and close friendships

If you suspect loneliness, you can ask them to complete the Loneliness Scale, designed by Daniel Russell at the University of Southern California. This and other loneliness scales are explored in an article by Oshagan and Allen. Samer presents a shortened version of the survey, with 10 questions, scored on a scale of 1 (never) to 4 (always).

The average score for these questions is 20; 25 indicates a high level of loneliness and 30 a very high level.

Here are the questions you should ask your coachees or mentees:

  • How often do you feel unhappy doing so many things alone?
  • How often do you feel you have no-one to talk to?
  • How often do you feel you cannot tolerate being so alone?
  • How often do you feel as if no-one understands you?
  • How often do you find yourself waiting for someone to call or write?
  • How often do you feel completely alone?
  • How often do you feel unable to reach out and communicate with those around you?
  • How often do you feel starved of company?
  • How often do you feel it is difficult for you to make friends?
  • How often do you feel shut out and excluded by others?

What can you do to help?

If your coachee or mentee is suffering from loneliness, then as a coach or mentor you can be helpful in a number of ways. First, however, you must be reasonably sure that the person is not suffering from clinical depression, which is outside the scope of the coaching / mentoring relationship and requires appropriate therapeutic intervention.

If it is appropriate for you to help, some practical steps include:

  • Help your coachee or mentee to focus on the quality of the relationships they hold with others, rather than the quantity. That doesn’t mean closing out on Facebook. Rather, it means paying more attention to relationships that matter.
  • Explore the concept of “kinship” with them. Who do they know, who shares the same interests and values with them? It’s easier to talk with and build connections with people, who have a similar understanding of what’s important.
  • Finding a cause that gives greater meaning to life can have a major positive impact on loneliness, according to more recent studies at UCLA, by diverting the person’s attention from their fears towards the difference they want to make. Rediscovering a sense of purpose is also energising and so counter-effects the energy sapping tendencies of feeling lonely.

Are you lonely?

It’s also useful to reflect upon our own experiences of loneliness as a coach or mentor. Coaching and especially team coaching can be a very lonely experience – so many of the team coaches I supervise talk about how isolated they feel when a team blocks their attempts to help.

Consider:

  • How do you score on the loneliness test?
  • When do you feel most lonely and how do you help yourself break out of it?
  • What can you do to build your own resilience to loneliness?
  • How can you enhance the quality of relationships you have with clients, without compromising on professionality.

It’s high time we brought loneliness in from the coaching wilderness!

Guest blog by David Clutterbuck.

Read some of our Case Studies and be inspired on how Art of Mentoring can help your organisation.

Important Skills for a Successful Mentoring Relationship

Study Confirms Communication Competence Critical to Mentoring Success

Don’t you just love being proven right?

It was with a slight inner gloat that I read a recent mentoring study from York University in Canada, which found that communication competence on the part of both the mentor and the mentee was the one single skill most needed for a successful partnership.

I could hear myself thinking, “This is what I’ve been saying all along” as I read through the study report in detail.  At Art of Mentoring, our mentor and mentee training has always focused on the art of communication, and so often the positive feedback that we get from mentoring program participants relates to their improved listening and communications skills.

This confirmation of the importance of communication was music to my ears.

About the study

The study in question was in-depth, taking place between 2013 and 2015 and involving 50 mentors and 50 mentees, each undertaking lengthy, confidential interviews with the researcher.

The participants were involved in a formal mentoring program run by the Toronto Region Immigrant Employment Council designed to assist newer migrants in their career development.

The success factor

The factor that had the highest correlation with partnership success was “open and authentic communication”. This might seem so obvious, since we are talking about a relationship between two people.  But too often we see associations and businesses launch into a mentoring program without adequately ensuring the skills and tools for authentic communication are in place.

One of the most critical of these skills is “active listening”. Here again the study confirmed that the art of listening was critical to authentic communication. In fact, inadequate listening skills were the most common mentoring communication barrier.

Busy professionals have an understandable weakness when it comes to listening.  After all, they have a lot of balls in the air and listening requires time and attention they sorely lack.

Add to that the natural human inclination to love the sound of our own stories.  Mentors in particular, can be quick to share their own knowledge and experiences, without taking the time to understand their mentee’s story and needs.

What is active listening?

“Active listening” is where the listener makes a conscious effort not just to hear the words being spoken, but tries to understand the complete message being sent.  This is a skill that can be taught and should be part of any mentor/mentee training.  As it turns out, it is also a critical link to the other two characteristics required for a successful mentoring relationship.

Emotional Presence

The study found that a strong “emotional presence” from both partners was required for partnership success, particularly when conversations ventured into sensitive areas. Regardless of the overarching purpose of your mentoring program, to be successful mentors and mentees must be able to deal with personal and sometimes emotional issues.

Exchange Relationship

The final characteristic the study identified was an “exchange relationship”. For a mentoring partnership to be truly successful, the study suggests that mentors and mentees must learn from each other.  A two-way street of knowledge exchange not only ensures that both parties gain from the experience, it creates a stronger, more rewarding relationship.

Every finding in this research supports what we have long observed at Art of Mentoring.  I am writing this blog not to say, “I told you so”, but to reinforce with all our readers the critical importance of developing communication skills for a successful mentoring program.

Ensure that you have strong communication training tools in place before you launch into a formal mentoring program.  Not only will your program be more successful, the participants will have gained invaluable life and career skills.

If you want to read about successful mentoring programs, here is our Case Study with our client Australian Veterinary Association.

© 2017 Melissa Richardson

The 9 Key Elements of Talent Life Cycle

The 9 Key Elements of Talent Life Cycle

Many companies limit the effectiveness of their talent management by taking a narrow perspective of what is involved – focusing on the aspects of identifying, development retention and promotion. In contrast, a systemic view of talent takes into account the whole Talent Life Cycle and consists of 9 key elements:

1. Employer reputation and engaging potential recruits

Employer reputation management starts with identifying the kind of people, who the company wants to attract as employees. It addresses the question: “Why would this kind of talented person want to work here?”

It is partly about using all the media for outreach – including social media, the university “milk round” and referral from existing employees – and also about listening to potential recruits.

Approaches, which rely on marketing to potential recruits, rather than listening to them, miss out on two fronts.

Firstly, they are likely to lead to misaligned offerings. One company found, for example, that graduate recruits were not interested in whether it had a mentoring programme – they took that for granted and wanted to know how good it was.

Secondly, understanding the aspirations of potential recruits may provide opportunities for job redesign that will increase their engagement and contribution, if hired.

2. Recruitment

A challenge for this phase of the talent life cycle is whether the company is hiring for the long term, on the assumption that people want to pursue long-term careers within it, or alternatively, whether it aims to meet people’s desire for a stepping stone to opportunities elsewhere. The tendency is for both parties to engage in a fiction that this is a long-term career move, rather than discuss intentions honestly.

A different, more productive dialogue would explore a range of possibilities, with the outcome that people’s aspirations and job roles could be much more closely aligned. So, the psychological contract (or formal contract) would be that over, say 18 months, the employee will gain specific learning and experience and will make a defined contribution to the company.

Recognising that the aspirations of the employee and the organisation will have evolved, an equally honest review towards the end of the committed time avoids the disruption of unexpected departures.

While we are talking of honesty, let’s challenge two more common assumptions:

  • The first is the assumed link between “loyalty” and “leadership“. Just because people stay the course does not mean that they have the qualities of a leader. Indeed, it may be argued that the people most likely to take a broad view of their career are more likely to be strategic thinkers generally.
  • The second is that recruiting for diversity is a numbers game. In practice, there will always be a potential or real conflict between “cultural fit” and the need for requisite diversity. To resolve that conflict, we have to go back to step one – truly listening to different groups of potential employees.

3. Induction and settling in

In spite of apparently well-designed induction programmes, disillusion may swiftly set in. Some of the problems we have seen time and again include:

  • Failure to explain the company culture (the real one, not the public relations version). This is a useful role for a mentor, after a few months.
  • Conversely, providing a career mentor too soon — the employee needs to get their feet under the desk and understand their role, before thinking about next moves
  • Managing the three-month trough – when the honeymoon period is over and when reality sets in for colleagues’ expectations of the new employee and the employee’s expectations of the company
  • Smart organisations have programmes that hire talented people (at junior roles at least) and allow them to find their best role by trial and error, instead of trying to slot them into a pre-set role. They also expose people to the company culture less by telling them what it is than inviting them to question and debate it. (If leaders think the company culture is great, why would they need to be defensive about it?)
  • And, of course, this third step depends to some extent on the first and second. The critical question for HR is: “How well does the experience of the new hire match what they have been led to expect from the company’s reputation management and recruitment processes?”

4. Performance management

Two basic rules govern systemic performance management:

  • One is that performance is a collective achievement of a team, rather than a bunch of individual achievements – so people should be judged not only on what and how they deliver but on how they support each other in delivering.
  • The other rule is that talented people do better when they are supported in managing their own performance than when someone else is doing it to them.

This, of course, links in again with the reputation management and recruitment processes. What is the company doing that makes people, who can thrive in such an environment, seek it out as an employer? Does the selection process identify and prioritise such people?

When I discuss performance management with companies, the concerns I hear about are all about underperformers, not about how to keep self-starters focused!

5. Learning and development

Eagerness to learn is widely recognised, along with learning agility, as a key quality of leader talent. Creating designated successors – still a widespread tactic, both formally and informally – has the effect of lessening the person’s attention to learning opportunities (why bother, if you have already made it?).

A systemic approach focuses on role agility – encouraging constant evolution of job roles so that no target is fixed and continuous learning is the norm.

 It’s also important to move away from blanket, one-size-fits-all development programmes to much more individualised, custom-made approaches, in which the talented employee exerts much more control over what they learn, when and how.

After all, if someone is genuinely talented, shouldn’t we trust them to manage their own development? If we can’t trust them to do so, then that suggests a failure at the recruitment stage.

6. Promotions and transitions

When promotions or significant sideways moves occur, a systemic approach recognises that the employee needs support, ideally for several months before the transition and, particularly for junior managers, at least six months afterwards.

They also need a bevy of skills and know-how about working with their new team, in respect of issues such as loyalties towards the previous manager or team reputation. Both formal support (training) and informal support (coaching and mentoring) are useful here.

A systems perspective on learning and development would include targeting interventions less on stand-alone skills gaps than on the complex mixes of skills required for specific situations. 

7. Retention

Retention can easily become an end in itself, when in practice what is needed is for the relationship between employer and employee to last for as long as it meets and is aligned with both their needs.

One of my areas of continuous research is trigger points – the life events that make people more likely to leave. For example, when a young man becomes a father for the first time, it triggers comparisons with the careers of peers and contemporaries.

A systemic approach encourages frequent conversations between the employee and their manager to identify potential triggers generated from their work and their non-work lives, seeking alignment wherever possible and articulating clearly when it is not.

At the very least, this allows both parties to plan for separation, greatly reducing the trauma and inconvenience.

8. Decruitment

It would be nice to think that the horror stories of employees being told to clear their desks and escorted from the building immediately upon resigning are a thing of the past. The idea that an employee, who quits, is showing disloyalty, is neither rational nor good for business.

The damage to the corporate employer brand can be huge if people leave with bitterness.

A systemic approach recognises that, whether people leave of their own accord or are fired, they are part of a much wider social system that has multiple influences on corporate well-being.

How the company tackles decruitment takes us back to the first step of the Talent Life Cycle – how can we manage the process of separation in ways that enhance, rather than undermine the employer brand?

If we view every former employee as an ambassador for the company, then that keeps open the lines of communication. Some of the older management consultancies, which have adopted this principle, find that it leads to a continuous flow of work from alumni now in client roles.

9. Re-recruitment.

This final element of the Talent Life Cycle represents a growing phenomenon. If talented people feel supported when they leave an organisation and in their time working there, they are often open to being brought back, when they have accumulated new and different experience. Every one of the other eight elements will influence how they feel about returning.

Systemic Talent Management approaches recognise and work with the interdependencies between each of these elements. With the possible exception of re-recruitment, a failure of one element is a failure of the while system. Constant dialogue between all the stakeholders, both inside and outside the organisation, is the key to designing and implementing systemic approaches.

With the possible exception of re-recruitment, a failure of one element is a failure of the while system.

Constant dialogue between all the stakeholders, both inside and outside the organisation, is the key to designing and implementing systemic approaches.

Guest post by © David Clutterbuck, 2017

Post originally published here.

Selecting and using an executive coach

Selecting and using an executive coach

Executive coaches are used mainly by senior managers or professionals, to help them work on specific aspects of their performance. As a relatively expensive resource, it’s important to understand why you will benefit from having an executive coach, what the outcomes of the relationship will be and what kind of executive coach you require.

When to use an executive coach

  • When you would find it difficult to be sufficiently open to an insider
  • When you are looking to tap into specific expertise or experience not available within the organisation (this could be functional expertise or psychological expertise)
  • When there are no appropriate role models within the organisation
  • When the relationship is intended to be a short term intervention (ie six months or less)
  • When there is value in direct observation and feedback by an external resource, who is not influenced by the internal culture and/or politics

When NOT to seek an external coach

  • When an understanding of the organisation is important to the role
  • As a reward (fashion accessory)
  • When there may be a counselling need
  • When the intended change is not clear and measurable

Different types of executive coach

There are at least three types of executive coach, depending on whether the focus of learning is skills (for example, giving presentations), performance in a particular job role (eg leadership coaching), or broader personal development (See Anthony Grant‘s Three types of coaching). In addition, some coaches, who have a strong background in psychology and/or psychotherapy, help executives deal with emotional issues that hinder their performance.

Some executive coaches believe strongly in observing their clients and giving feedback – for example, by attending team meetings and watching how you lead or participate in them. Others believe in working solely with the client’s own observations.

Clearly, it’s important to work out in advance what kind of coaching you want or need. A useful exercise is to write out a business plan for the investment of time and money. This would define:

  • What is the issue to be resolved?
  • What is the benefit to the organisation, the team and to me of resolving this issue?
  • How will I and other people know if the required changes have occurred?

The more the benefits can be quantified against the costs (in time and money), the more confident you will be about coaching relationship and its costs.

Because this is a big decision, talk it through with other people – for example, trusted peers, or human resources. Wherever possible, let HR do the initial finding for you – they will have more experience of seeing through superficially convincing applicants.

How do I know whether the executive coach is right for me?

Assuming you have defined closely what kind of executive coach you need, you should be able to narrow down the field. It’s a good start to ask for qualifications.

However, just going on qualifications isn’t a very reliable method. Even if the coach has good overall skills and knowledge, they may not have the right personality or background to work with you. Spend time talking with them and consider:

  • Did I feel I could trust and open up to them?
  • Did I come away with deeper personal insights, even though it wasn’t a formal coaching session?
  • Do I feel sufficiently challenged and clearer about what I want?

If you feel confident try some of the questions asked in formal assessment of executive coaches:

  • Has this person a sufficient grounding in both behavioural psychology and coaching/ mentoring technique?
  • Do they have a wide portfolio of approaches or are they limited to just one or two?
  • Are they subject to formal and regular professional supervision (by supervision we mean peer discussion and review of experience in the role)?
  • Have they been practising for at least two years? (Part of the development of a professional coach or mentor would normally include a substantial period of unpaid practice.)
  • Can they provide a convincing description of their mental model of coaching/ mentoring? Can they distinguish between the two?
  • Do they have effective skills of listening, conceptual modelling, questioning, suspending judgement and so on?
  • Are they able to demonstrate strong commitment to their own learning?
  • Have they achieved an appropriate level of insight into their own mistakes as coach/ mentor?
  • Do they work within an appropriate ethical framework?

Probationary period.

All effective executive coaches will be pleased to agree to a trial period of between one and three meetings. Use this time to review the relationship and decide whether this coach really is right for you.

Further reading

Clutterbuck. D, (2005) Coaching and mentoring at the top, Clutterbuck Associates

Schwenk, G, (2007) Selecting ‘world class coaches’, Clutterbuck Associates

Clutterbuck. D, (2005) Caveat Emptor, Clutterbuck Associates

Clutterbuck, D, (2006) Mentoring the small business, Clutterbuck Associates

Author

David Clutterbuck